You may not be aware, but transgender men are hot as fuck. Like cisgender dudes, they cum in all shapes and sizes, and many of them are friendly, horny, and down for action.
But, if you’re like many cisgender men, you may have never seduced or had sex with a trans dude. It’s fun and hot, but if you aren’t careful, you can easily stick your foot in your mouth or do something that’ll literally leave you holding your own dick (though, we have some killer masturbation tips for that).
We asked a handful of trans guys how they like to be seduced and turned on in bed. Here’s what they said.
1. Understand a little bit about what it’s like to be a trans guy.
Most trans guys were assigned female at birth (AFAB) but later identified as male. Some may have been “tomboys” or identified strongly with the lesbian community while growing up. Some may have had familial and community support, and others may have experienced bullying, discrimination, or rejection for their gender identity.
Such discrimination can make some trans guys a little reluctant about meeting cis men, especially cis guys who’ve never met a trans guy. Some trans men may worry about “fitting in” around other cis men, unsure if they exhibit the same confidence, attitudes, or other physical attributes that cis guys are commonly expected to have.
Ignorant cis guys meeting a trans guy for the first time may ask a bunch of invasive personal questions, use unwanted female-gendered terms for a trans guy’s body parts, treat trans guys like exotic aliens or a “first-time experience”, or announce trans guys’ gender-identity to others without their permission.
Trans guys hate these things because it implies that a cis guy is ignorant, careless, and possibly even dangerous. But with a little knowledge and consideration, you can easily avoid them.
2. Know a little bit about transitioning
Some men have used testosterone hormone replacement therapy (HRT) to grow muscle, body, and facial hair, deepen their voices and stop the onset of menstrual periods. For most trans men, HRT is an ongoing lifelong process.
Some men have surgery to remove their breast tissue, a double mastectomy commonly referred to as “top surgery.” This surgery can leave a scar under both pecs, but sometimes it doesn’t. Other men who don’t have this procedure may wear a fabric chest binder to help flatten their chests.
Some men have surgery to construct a penis, a phalloplasty commonly referred to as “bottom surgery.” These penises can become erect using an air pump located in the ballsack or flexible rods in the penile shaft. Other men may not have this surgery but may use a penis-shaped “packer” to give their crotches a bulging appearance.
It’s important to remember that not all men medically transition in these ways because such treatments can be expensive, isn’t always covered by medical insurance, and aren’t always desired by trans men.
Above all else, remember: Trans men are men. A trans guy doesn’t have to look like a cis guy to be respected or identified as a man. Men come in all shapes, sizes, and behaviors, regardless of their gender identity.
3. Know the body and sex lingo
Foremost, “trans” stands for “transgender.” Never say “transgendered,” “transvestite” (which is a criminal and fetish term for cross-dressing), or — god help you — “tranny” (an offensive slur).
Second, it’s important to avoid gendered body terms — like “breasts” or “vagina” — when referring to trans men’s bodies because this can worsen their gender dysphoria, the unease a person can feel due to a perceived mismatch between their body and gender identity.
Whether a trans guy has had top surgery or not, refer to his upper torso as his “chest” or his “pecs.”
Many trans guys who haven’t had bottom surgery refer to their genitals as their “front hole.” Some trans guys may call their front hole a “vagina,” “pussy,” or “cunt,” but it’s best to ask what terms they prefer.
Despite the trans porn site named Bonus Hole Boys, few trans guys actually call their front hole a “bonus hole,” unless they’re joking.
4. Don’t make a trans guy your “101”
No trans guy wants to be your “101.” (That is, your teacher in an introductory course about trans anatomy and issues.) So here are some DON’Ts and DO’s when it comes to flirting with a trans dude.
– DON’T say “It’s my first time,” “I’ve never been with a trans dude,” or “I’m curious to see what it’s like.” (Even if it’s true, that’s total 101 speak: a definite red flag.)
– DON’T say things like, “I’m especially into trans guys,” or “Trans guys are so hot.” (Some may take it as a compliment, but others will feel like you’re dehumanizing them and fetishizing their gender identity rather than desiring them as an individual.)
– DON’T ask about their transition, birth name, life challenges, or trans political views. (Total boner killer. You’re flirting, not writing a research paper.)
– DON’T compliment how much he “passes” for a “real guy.” (Trans men are men. Full stop.)
– DON’T ask if “it’s shaved.” (Creepy dudes on hook-up apps ask trans guys this question a lot.)
– DON’T assume they’re submissive or a bottom. (More on this later.)
– DON’T be rude or transphobic if they’re not interested in you. (Yeah, no.)
– DO ask their names and use male pronouns when referring to them. (If you accidentally misgender them with female pronouns, quickly apologize and move on rather than dramatically agonizing over it and making it all about you.)
– DO ask about their lives and interests. (Good conversation and genuine interest are always turn-ons.)
– DO let him take the lead into sexy talk. (Be patient. He’ll likely first try to gauge how friendly or transphobic you are.)
– DO compliment them on their personality or attractiveness. (Who doesn’t like friendly, authentic compliments?)
– DO mention if you’ve been with a trans guy before. (They’ll likely ask, but if they don’t, modestly mention it so they know you’re not a 101.)
– And when the time comes… DO ask what he’s into sexually. (Listen closely and ask what sex acts he’s not into — some acts might make him feel self-conscious or dysphoric.)
5. Ground rules for sex with trans guys.
Regardless of anatomy, here’s your number one rule: Take your sexual cues from him.
You know how some guys like certain sex acts and dislike other ones? Trans guys are exactly the same. If you really wanna know what they’re into, just politely ask.
In bed, guys wanna feel physically attractive and desired. Even if you’re unfamiliar with his body or feeling nervous, play it cool. Don’t act surprised. Let him take the lead and enjoy slowly exploring together.
Some trans guys’ dicks get hard differently than cis men’s. For some men, this can remove performance anxiety and the stressful pressure to get and stay hard.
If you’re unsure what to do, just ask him. And if you’re feeling overwhelmed, just take a breath and enjoy whatever you’re both into.
6. What’s front hole sex actually like?
If a guy hasn’t had bottom surgery, his genitals may include an outer and inner set of lip-like folds. At the top of these folds is usually his dick, and at the bottom is the entrance to his front hole.
A freshly showered front hole can smell pretty similar to a man’s crotch. Though there’s also a special body wash that provides an appetizing scent of sandalwood, musk, and black pepper — yum.
Some guys like having their genitals manually or orally stimulated. Others may enjoy having their front holes penetrated. Yet again: Just ask him what feels best.
Some guy’s front holes get wet when they’re turned on. If you like the taste of pre-cum, you’ll love the taste of a wet front hole. And if you like topping a nice hot ass, you’ll love the warmth, wetness, and gripping power of a front hole.
In general, many guys like having their dicks sucked and stroked. You can gently repeatedly stroke it with your thumb or index and middle fingers, or lick and suck on it over and over like a delicious noodle. If he’s moaning, getting wet, or arching his back for more… he’s likely enjoying it.
Guys who enjoy front-hole sex may also enjoy using a lube that provides a stimulating sensation of peppermint oil and menthol. It can provide a nice tingling sensation that’s unique and sensually satisfying.
Testosterone HRT can make some front holes dry and or front hole penetration quite uncomfortable. If that’s the case, y’all can try a specially formulated lube for trans men that’s pH balanced to moisten his front hole without irritating it. It’s also great for hand jobs.
7. Bottoming for a trans guys
Just because some men have front holes doesn’t mean they’re all sub-bottoms — they may still feel sexual pleasure from topping.
Some guys might prefer to fuck a bottom using a strap-on and a special harness or underwear that holds the dildo in place. Some dildos may have special texturing on the underside of their base, designed to stimulate a trans guy’s penis.
If you’re topping a trans guy, consider using a lube specially formulate for trans men.
Seducing and bedding a trans dude doesn’t have to be complicated or intimidating. Just be friendly, cool, and considerate, and ask what turns him on, the same way you might with any other guy.
If you’re curious about their personal gender journey, you can always politely ask if they’d like to discuss it after you’ve established a foundation of trust and intimacy. Just respect their needs and desires, and everything else should go well.