A Proper Education On Anal Fisting

While casually browsing on social media one lazy Sunday afternoon. I happened on an eye- (and hole-) opening Instagram post from sex educator @makeupandsin. It said: “Fisting isn’t just a porn thing. It’s an incredibly intimate act that requires tons of lube and communication.”

This quote is great because it offers a refreshing and important perspective. On what’s generally regarded as an extreme and lewd sexual act. We tend to interpret fisting this way because most are introduced to it through porn. Where it’s often portrayed in a very graphic manner.

This collective tendency to learn about sex via porn is one of circumstance. Generally speaking, sex education in this country is abysmal and porn is an easily accessible resource when we’re feeling curious, horny, or both.

The problem being that porn is created to entertain, not educate. So to spare you from what could become an uncomfortable or dangerous experience. RIDE tapped BDSM bottom, Daya Dare, for a proper education on fisting.

The pleasures of fisting.

People enjoy fisting for a number of reasons. For many, the mere idea of doing something considered taboo or forbidden is the biggest draw. Some submissives regard fisting as a way of giving dominants their bodies in a most powerful and intimate way.

Others enjoy the fullness fisting provides and the sensation of their holes being stretched tight, towing the line between pain and pleasure. For people with prostates, being fisted has been described as a “deep-tissue massage” on the gland. Offering more intensive pleasure than traditional penetration provides.

“As a ‘they’ without a biological penis, fisting provides me with a unique opportunity to fully penetrate another human being through direct skin-to-skin contact,” Dare adds.

Choose the right lube.

Anal fisting is no time to skimp on the slippery stuff.  Beyond the initial application. Keep applying a healthy portion of lube when there is even the slightest sense of dryness or friction.

While it might make sense to use a desensitizing lube to ease potential pain and discomfort, refrain. This type of lube has a tendency to mask pain. Which is your body telling you to reassess the situation or stop. Regard drugs and comparable substances with similar caution. “It’s important to learn to listen to what your body is communicating to you and to be able to communicate that back to your partner,” Dare says.

They recommend a silicone or oil-based lubricant to avoid having to constantly reapply during a session. Incorporating a CBD oil, or suppository can help prevent inflammation and relax the anal canal without numbing.

Remember: when using a glove or condom, only water-based lubes will maintain the integrity of the barrier.

Throw on some gloves.

While this has become a disputed rule in the fisting community, Dare strongly recommends new and casual partners wear gloves when fisting.

“A latex or nitrile glove protects the bottom from the abrasive parts of your hand. Reduces the risk of infection (both STIs and UTIs) and won’t absorb lube like skin so it reduces the frequency at which you will need to reapply lube,” Dare says.

Our anal walls are thin and sensitive, so if you forgo gloves (some believe skin-on-skin contact makes the act more intimate). You should make sure your nails are trimmed and their hands are moisturized to avoid possible tearing and irritation.

Train your hole.

No matter how enthusiastic you are about fisting, consistent and informed training is essential to a safer experience. Dare recommends you explore your body on your own before engaging in partner play.

“A lot of people don’t know that the rectum isn’t straight,” they begin. “After the anal canal, the rectum tilts toward the front of the body and few inches in, it curves back and swoops toward the front of the body again. Every body’s anal canal and rectum curve differently so it’s extremely important to learn your own body.”

During this exploration, you will learn your pain and pleasure limits as well. You’re best to invest in an anal dilation kit and gradually work your way up to larger sizes in preparation for a fist. Results of anal training vary by individual, and can take weeks, months or years before your hole comfortably accommodates a fist. Just remain patient and don’t rush anything. Injuries will halt progress far longer than consistent training.

“Anal training is like any other athletic training,” Daya explains. “Using the principle of progressive overload, you train to fist by increasing the length and the girth of the insertion over time until you achieve the desired fist size. You will reach a comfort limit, and, like an athlete, you need to understand when it’s safe to push past that limit or to stop, less you cause injury.”

If you’re a newbie, it is especially important to start with a trusted partner. Who is familiar with the mechanics of fisting. Before you begin, establish a safe-word system such as “green” (good to go!), “yellow” (soft limit, but keep going!), and “red” (hard limit, please stop!) to effectively communicate throughout the experience.

“‘Yellows’ are critical when fisting as there will be points when a bottom understands that they are passing a pain/pleasure limit. But feel safe to continue playing,” Dare says, adding that even for them, there are days where fisting isn’t possible no matter how bad they want it. “The healthiest attitude is to have zero expectations and just enjoy the ride.”

Enter with caution.

Start with one finger and gradually add others when the bottom is comfortable. Once you have four fingers in, you can form a cone with your fingers and slowly massage and twist your hand to work your way inside the hole.

When you’re in, stay put for a while and let the hole assimilate. When the hole feels relaxed, you can try working your hand and digits a little bit. This will likely take a few attempts before reaching much success. As the bottom becomes more accustomed to and experienced with a fist, the top will be better able to enter and exit the hole more freely.

Shed the stigma.

The biggest misconception about fisting is that those who engage will be forever loose or gaped. While regular fisting and/or playing with toys of expanding sizes can impact the recoil of anal muscles over time, long-term ailments are rare. “The anal sphincter muscle is designed to expand and contract like any other muscle,” Daya says. “Stretching your sphincters properly while fisting will not take away their ability to constrict. Just like stretching your hamstrings properly will not make them weaker or break!”

Normalize aftercare.

After a fisting session, a bottom is likely to experience “sub space,” a mental state in which endorphins and adrenaline are elevated. This means the bottom may not feel any soreness or be mentally present enough to ask for what they need. Therefore, it is helpful to have the “after care” conversation before playtime. If you don’t know your partner’s anal aftercare plan, a hydrating drink and positive reinforcement will help the bottom feel safe during the come-down.

Bobby Box is a freelance writer and editor. He writes about sex and relationships and men’s lifestyle topics for other publications and websites such as NewNowNext.com, Advocate.com, Bustle.com, AskMen, Playboy, Elle, MANdatory, Elite Daily, and more.