Nick Capra recently celebrated a significant milestone: he’s 145 days sober. This isn’t the first time Capra’s been sober, but he’s determined to make it his last. Capra has been using drugs since he was 15-years-old, starting with weed and LSD. When he hit his later teens, he turned to meth and eventually, crack cocaine.
“I honestly can’t tell you what led to my drug addiction,” Capra tells RIDE. “The conclusion that people jump to is me being in the porn industry, but my drug use became an issue long before the industry was a part of my life.”
Capra suggests his upbringing was a possible culprit, as his father would regularly beat and shame him for being effeminate and not a “man’s man” like him. As is true for many gay men, Capra was bullied in school as well.
Still, he’s uncertain why he turned to drugs. “I’ve met many men and women over the years who’ve come from childhood trauma much deeper than mine and none of them became addicts or alcoholics,” he shares. “I’ve spent many years trying to figure out why I was this way, shaming myself and feeling defective for my addiction. But now, my main focus isn’t how I became an addict, it’s what can I do to stop using and how I can live a life that’s fulfilling without drugs.”
RIDE spoke with Nick Capra about staying relevant in the porn industry, hitting rock bottom, and meth use in the gay community.
RIDE: Why do you think meth is such a prevalent drug in the gay community?
Photo courtesy of Nick Capra
Nick Capra: I think its availability is a reason. I used meth for many years. My first experiences with it were pretty innocent, it gave me a false sense of self-esteem and I felt invincible. As I grew into my early 20s, I saw meth becoming more prevalent. Sex parties, raves, it was everywhere.
I believe another attraction is how intense sex on meth can be. It’s primal. But it’s exclusive to physicality––there’s no authenticity or mental connection involved.
Meth masked all of the internalized shame I’d held for my sexuality and kinks. It broke down those barriers. But all that guilt and shame come flooding back the moment I would come down from the drug. So what did I do? I did even more drugs to escape the shame, and the cycle continues. It escalates, and that’s when the consequences start rolling in: you lose money, you lose relationships, your body starts to suffer, and so on.
RIDE: You’ve relapsed in the past and took a temporary break from the porn industry, but you’ve also recently shared that the porn industry is a large part of your sobriety. How did the porn industry help your sobriety and has it ever influenced your drug use in any way?
Nick Capra: Despite what people believe, the porn studios are all zero tolerance. There are a few “low rent” studios, like Treasure Island, that have promoted IV meth use. But I’ve been fired from two productions for showing up high. Not to mention, there’s a level of discipline required to remain in the top-tier of porn: diet, exercise, as well as constant self-promotion, to remain relevant. Those things are impossible to maintain when you’re strung out. Eventually, it catches up to you.
RIDE: You are the first performer to direct for Lucas Entertainment. As a director, what is the most common thing that you need to remind actors of?
Nick Capra: Imagine trying to herd a group of wild cats––that’s directing. There’s always a lot going on behind-the-scenes that people tend to forget about: photographers, make-up, lights, production crew. So maintaining order amongst all of that is my primary focus. I only do story-based features, so there’s an added time-factor involved. Getting through 12-pages of dialogue, four sex scenes, a box cover and promo pics in three days is a lot of work.
As far as performers go, I haven’t struggled with any of them. I only cast performers who maintain a strong work ethic, so there hasn’t been any drama.
RIDE: Give us some behind-the-scenes tea! When an actor can’t provide a “money shot” what are some tricks you can do to make it happen?
Nick Capra: Honestly, there are no tricks. I’ve seen performers fired and given a “kill fee” for not being able to cum and that’s totally understandable. We are products being paid to perform. So “Dance monkey, dance!” or go home.
RIDE: You’re very vulnerable on social media, particularly on Twitter. You once said, “Being ambitious and taking ownership of your sexuality, means you will be attacked.” Can you explain what you mean by that? The queer community seems generally sex-positive in comparison to others.
Photo courtesy of Nick Capra.
Nick Capra: There is a lot of love in the LGBTQ community, but there is a lot of hatred as well. I do go a little deeper on my social media than most adult stars. I allow people access to my humanity. Namely, my sober story, my struggles, and how I’ve overcome them.
Someone once said I “bastardize” the self-help community for telling my story and continuing to work in the biz. I guess some people want a “redemption from porn and drugs story.” It freaks some people out to see a picture of my hard cock attached to a story about my soul. So, whatever. Let’s give porn a soul!
RIDE: Do you find it especially difficult being sober in the gay community?
Nick Capra: No, I feel like getting sober and staying sober, regardless of sexuality, is a battle. Especially in the current climate. I can’t tell you how many addicts and beautiful souls are dying right now because COVID has wiped out a lot of resources to stay sober.
People can’t gain access to Zoom meetings and there are very few ‘in-person” AA/NA meetings available to the public during this pandemic. The disease of addiction doesn’t care who you fuck.
Addiction is the great “equalizer” regardless of race, creed, religion, and sexuality. It wants us all dead.
RIDE: You had a restraining order filed against you by your mother, how did that come about?
Nick Capra: That was my rock bottom. My mother is my world––we live five miles from one another and I would see her three to four times a week. The restraining order was a direct result of my relapse. It was devastating for her to see me killing myself with drugs and that restraining order is what got me sober. As a direct result of my sobriety, I have my mom back in my life again. She terminated the restraining order a month ago.
RIDE: You’ve been in the industry for almost 20 years, which is almost unheard of. What’s the key to staying relevant in the industry?
Photo courtesy of Nick Capra.
Nick Capra: That’s an excellent question. I believe there are about five performers who have made it past 15 years and remained relevant: Michael Lucas, Adam Killian, Brent Everett, Brent Corrigan (trust me, he’ll make another big comeback), and little old me.
I know I’m not the most attractive guy out there and I know I’m not the best performer. So I have to believe it’s my humanity and my story: falling down and getting back up so publicly. That has created a special bond with fans and they’re ultimately the ones who determine who stays and who goes.
RIDE: With the prevalence of subscription-based sites like Just For Fans and OnlyFans taking over the industry, how have studios adapted?
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Nick Capra: Haha, they hate it. It’s taken a large chunk of their money. But there’s also a bit of vindication for us as performers. Each studio pays performers approximately one percent of what they profit from our image from residuals for the scenes we create for them. Thank the Lord for OnlyFans & Dominic Ford for creating Just For Fans. Now we get to own our content.
Subscribe to Nick Capra on OnlyFans.
RIDE: Do you have a funny story or humorous mishaps on set that you can share with our readers?
Nick Capra: Picture it: 2002. An orgy scene with 10 men. Two are fucking in the doggy position. The other eight men surround them, jerking off. A cameraman is laying on his back, shooting upwards, between the two men’s legs.
The top pulls out of the bottom’s ass and brown water comes shooting out from the bottom all over the camera man’s face and the set. Eight of the queens start dry-heaving and Chi Chi La Rue is running around the set screaming, “Jesus Christ! Paper towels! Get me paper towels! Everyone else: STAY IN CHARACTER!”
Just another day at the office.