Buffing the banana. Burping the worm. Choking the chicken. Flogging the log. Yanking the crank. Fisting your mister.
There are far too many terms to list that are designated for the universal activity that most men will never admit to doing…MASTURBATING! We know, masturbation is nothing new, nor is it anything to be ashamed of; however, it’s still stigmatized for no good reason. “Bustin’ a nut” is a natural, necessary function of a man’s trouser snake, so let’s explore the three best ways to rub one out. After all, it is Masturbation May, so you’re basically obligated to whip out your willy and wank it.
This option is by far the most obvious. When most men masturbate, the process that usually manifests is a hard lean against the bathroom sink with your pants down around your ankles and your shirt pulled up and tucked under your chin. The chin tuck is super important because the last thing you want to do is walk around in public after blowing a load all over your own shirt. Well, that is unless you’re into that kind of thing. We don’t judge. This usually also entails digging deep into your treasure trove of porn videos on your laptop or phone. Sex is definitely visual for men, so this will assist you in reaching a euphoric climax much more easily.
Solo Play Technique: Fire up the porn video. Find a comfortable position your willing to hold for a while. Tuck your shirt tightly under your chin before slathering your meat stick with RIDE Stroke Oil. Commence to stroking until your heads explode in pure pleasure.
Oh, you thought masturbation was just for a party of one? Be prepared to have your mind blown. Okay, now follow me. Two or more people can masturbate…in the same room…at the same time…and a black hole will not open up and swallow you all whole. Actually, I take that back. That is a possibility, but let’s move on less we digress into a whole other conversation.
For this masturbation option, you will need to grab a buddy, or 4 (again, we don’t aren’t judging), and find a comfy spot like a sofa or bed to sprawl out on. In this instance, throw some porn on your laptop or tv to get the mood going, but we have a feeling it will turn out to be background noise within a couple of minutes. For those magazine users (we can’t believe this is still a thing), have more than one magazine for your guests to choose from. Sharing is caring. Now, every dude isn’t going to like the same kind of lube. One of your buddies may like a water-based lube while you enjoy using a slicker silicone formula. The best bet is to accumulate several types of lubricants into your repertoire so when it comes time to circle jerk you can be the host with the most. Now, obviously, this little gathering will most likely lead to some mutual touching and oral, but at the end of the day, it all starts as a good old-fashioned Masturbation May celebration. If more happens then props to you. Sounds like you had a successful party!
Couples Play Technique: Fire up the porn. Lay a blanket or sheet down in the designated “play” area. Grab a RIDE BodyWorx Lube Cube so your guest(s) have multiple lube options. Finally, get to know each other a little better. Offering each other a helping hand is ALWAYS encouraged.
The great thing about toy play is that this technique crosses the boundaries of our two previous masturbation options: Solo and Group Play. When we say toy, we don’t mean digging out the Jenga set from your bedroom closet. Well, we guess you could stick a block in your…never mind. Do not try that, please. Instead, we are referring to the many automatic masturbation machines currently on the market.
Take for instance the AutoBlow2 and the Tenga. The AutoBlow2 device promises unlimited blowjobs on demand with the ability to adjust the stroking speed. According to the product video posted on their website, this device gives you the full mind-blowing, deep throating experience. And guess what…you don’t even have to buy it dinner first. Who could turn that down? The Tenga is another high-end, well-made option that also does the work for the user by simulating oral sensations. Tenga has a large array of devices to chose from, so do your research and chose wisely!
These types of devices, while made for those moments when a willing mouth is not around, are just as fun to use on a buddy. They serve as a fun, unconventional form of foreplay that will get both parties revved up to take it to the next level. Though the product does all the work for you, never forego lubricant with these toys. After all, they are not capable of producing any saliva…another key element in the perfect blowjob.
Toy Play Technique: Whether using solo, as a couple, or in a group play setting, be sure you have plenty of RIDE Water-Based lube to slick up the inside of the oral masturbation sleeve. Our Water-Based formula is going to give you and/or your partners a more authentic feeling of spit for a more realistic blowjob. Don’t forget a bottle of Sliquid Organics SHINE Toy Cleaner to round out a complete masturbation session.
Whichever way you chose to beat your meat, we just want you to have fun doing it. Get creative. Try new people, places, and things! Celebrate Masturbation May with a fist-full of RIDE Lube and keep pumping all the way to Jack Off July!